


Human (And Canine) (And Feline) Nature

by Diaryofanarcissisticgayman



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cats, Dogs, Literally Narry is the only important relationship, M/M, Novelist!Harry, Perrie Liam and Louis never even show up, as in the boys are around twenty seven, near future AU, sportswriter!Niall, they're just mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 07:54:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3888382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diaryofanarcissisticgayman/pseuds/Diaryofanarcissisticgayman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall is a dog person. Not in the average I-prefer-dogs-over-cats way, but in more of a dogs-are-the-only-animal-worth-having-because-they-love-you-more-than-your-own-family-does way. That’s why he has five of them, all lovingly named after the Avengers, thanks to his ex, Liam. He didn’t take much in the breakup, but he took the dogs. The trouble for Harry is, he didn’t mention any of this in the first five dates, and now Harry really, REALLY likes him.</p><p>He hates dogs though. Loathes their energy, and the crass way they behave, and the way they chew on anything and everything they can find. And now Hawkeye (or is this one Hulk? Thor? Widow? Who fucking knows?) has got those big nasty jaws far too close to Harry’s dick for his own liking. The dick he was planning on using with Niall right now, rather than being attacked by these wild beasts.</p><p>“Something the matter Harry?” Niall asks, dragging the one Harry actually knows is Cap because he has a star on his forehead, back and starting on the dick-sniffer.</p><p>“More of a cat person.” Harry squeaks out, trying not to panic when one of them shoves their nose right up his arse. Dogs can sense fear, so why not loathing? If anything, that should be worse, yeah?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Human (And Canine) (And Feline) Nature

**Author's Note:**

> This idea wouldn't fucking leave me alone, so I posted it to tumblr, hoping someone would take it out of my hands. Nobody did, so I decided to ruin it by writing it myself. Warning for mild Call the Midwife season 4 spoiler.

Niall is a dog person. Not in the average I-prefer-dogs-over-cats way, but in more of a dogs-are-the-only-animal-worth-having-because-they-love-you-more-than-your-own-family-does way. That’s why he has five of them, all lovingly named after the Avengers, thanks to his ex, Liam. He didn’t take much in the breakup, but he took the dogs. The trouble for Harry is, he didn’t mention any of this in the first five dates, and now Harry really, REALLY likes him.

He hates dogs though. Loathes their energy, and the crass way they behave, and the way they chew on anything and everything they can find. And now Hawkeye (or is this one Hulk? Thor? Widow? Who fucking knows?) has got those big nasty jaws far too close to Harry’s dick for his own liking. The dick he was planning on using with Niall right now, rather than being attacked by these wild beasts.

“Something the matter Harry?” Niall asks, dragging cap, the only one Harry actually knows by name because he has a star on his forehead, back and starting on the dick-sniffer.

“More of a cat person.” Harry squeaks out, trying not to panic when one of them shoves their nose right up his arse. Dogs can sense fear, so why not loathing? If anything, that should be worse, yeah? “I have two. I’m not used to dogs.”

“Sorry. I’ll put them out back in the garden.” Niall says sheepishly. “Alright everyone, you’ve had your fun and finally met Harry. Time to clear out and let Daddy get down to business for once.”

Harry almost chokes when Niall calls himself ‘Daddy’, but the blond is thankfully far too occupied getting the mongrels to follow him out the back door to notice. Harry looks down at his shirt and grimaces. That’s another reason he doesn’t like dogs. They shed far too much. He’s absolutely covered in fur from his hips down to his shoes, and he’s only been here for a few minutes. Just long enough for Niall to explain why he has a pack of wolves running around his house and to try and introduce them all.

“So-” Niall drawls out, sauntering back into the room, blessedly unaccompanied by any mutts. “Where were we?”

“I think you were telling me about your breakup with your ex.” Harry shrugs.

“Yeah, let’s skip the rest of that conversation for now.” Niall grins, leaning against the door frame. “It’s not really relevant for what I had in mind tonight.”

“Hopefully.” Harry smirks.

“Drink?” Niall asks, arching an eyebrow. “I think I have a bottle of red stashed away somewhere.”

“That would be excellent.” Harry chuckles.

“There’s a pack of lint rollers in the closet. I can tell it’s bothering you being covered in their fur.” Niall muses, turning towards the kitchen. Harry can’t even bring himself to fight the blush that stains his cheeks because Niall knows him so well already. “Meet me in here when you’re done.”

“Sure.” Harry mumbles, reaching into the closet and grabbing one of the adhesive helpers. It takes four sheets off the roller before Harry is relatively free of dog hair. Disgusting. Why does Niall have to be so fucking great? He’s hot, and funny, and is the only guy in ages to actually laugh at Harry’s jokes. He has dogs though. So many dogs.

“Took you long enough.” Niall laughs when Harry finally joins him. “I don’t know how good or bad this is. I mean, it’s not gone bad. It’s drinkable, but I’m not really a wine guy. I prefer beer.”

“I know. You only ever order beer when we’re at dinner.” Harry smiles. “Even when I try to impress you with a brilliant German Riesling to pair with our dessert.”

“I know what I like, and I stick with it.” Niall grins. “Some people might find that boring, but I prefer to think of it as-”

“Ardent?” Harry offers.

“If that means loyal, then yeah.” Niall nods. “You writers and your obscure words.”

“You’re a writer too.” Harry points out.

“I’m a sports writer. I only need a vocabulary of about six hundred words.” Niall shrugs. “You on the other hand, with your novels and shite, you have to actually know your stuff.”

“One novel.” Harry reminds him. “One poorly selling, critically-bashed novel.”

“I liked it well enough.” Niall hums.

“I thought you hadn’t read it.” Harry sighs.

“I hadn’t. I wanted to make sure I liked you before I sat down and read five hundred pages of romantic shite.” Niall chuckles. “Apparently I like you a lot, because I read it all in one day.”

“I could have told you not to waste your time.” Harry mumbles. “In fact, I’m pretty sure I did.”

“I don’t take instruction very well outside of the bedroom.” Niall says nonchalantly, taking a pull off of his beer. Harry does choke that time, barely managing not to spray wine all over Niall and his nice pretty kitchen. He smirks and asks “Should I have waited until you swallowed to say that?”

“Do you just want to move this upstairs?” Harry asks in return, dragging up every bit of false confidence he can to keep his voice level. He hasn’t done this in ages, hasn’t been able to get through more than one date with a guy in years because he never liked any of them. He likes Niall though, and that makes him nervous.

“That depends.” Niall says, setting down his beer on the counter. “Are you going to spend the night, or are you just going to leave afterwards? Because if you’re going to leave, then I’m only going as far as the couch. No point climbing all those steps for just a shag.”

“Do you want me to spend the night?” Harry asks curiously.

“Wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.” Niall smirks.

“Then let’s go upstairs.” Harry grins.

 

A cold nose pressed against his naked ass is not how Harry wanted to wake up. Five cold noses against his naked ass just seems like punishment from the universe for some horrible karmic injustice he must have committed in a previous life. Maybe he was a warlord. Maybe he burned down an orphanage. Maybe he invented the concept of bombs. Whatever he did, he regrets it immensely.

He yelps and covers himself with what little blanket he can wrestle out from under the five furry demons currently trying to invade every nook and cranny of his body. He’s pretty sure one of them is humping his leg and screams in frustration. This is not how he thought this morning would go. He was maybe hoping for some sleepy morning sex, or at least an offer to go out for breakfast. Instead, he’s alone except for the dogs, who are blatantly ignoring the way Harry is valiantly attempting to shove them away. Why are they all so bloody huge?

“Get off of me you great, bleeding monsters.” Harry groans, burying his face under a pillow when the back one tries to lick it. “Niall!”

“Off with you lot.” Niall cackles from the door. “Leave poor Harry alone. He’s not used to you yet.”

“How could anyone get used to that?” Harry huffs once the curs all scramble out of the room. 

Niall closes the door behind him with a laugh and says “Sorry about that. I was making tea for us. I thought I’d closed the door when I got out of the bed. They’re not used to new people so much anymore. They’ve forgotten their manners.”

“If you say so.” Harry mutters, looking around for his pants. He remembers Niall stripping them off of him last night, but not where he threw them.

“I put all of your clothes in a pile on the chair there.” Niall chuckles. “Plan on putting them on already?”

“I should get home. Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam will be hungry by now.” Harry sighs.

“Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam?” Niall snorts.

“My cats. They’re named after-” Harry starts.

“Mr. Darcy and Eliza Bennett.” Niall finishes for him. “I have read Pride and Prejudice you know. A name like Fitzwilliam isn’t easily forgotten.”

“It’s only mentioned twice in the entire book. Most people who’ve read it don’t remember.” Harry says with a blush.

“If you’re going, then you should probably get dressed. Seeing you like this- Well, let’s just say I have very little self-control, and it’s taking everything I have not to jump your bones and ride you into the mattress right now.” Niall mumbles.

“I’ve got some time. The cats will be fine for another hour.” Harry grins.

 

“You are a dead man Zayn Javed Malik.” Harry growls, taking a seat with his (former) best friend. They met back in university, sitting next to each other in a creative writing class. They’ve been stuck like glue ever since, even after Harry left his position at the paper they both worked at (Harry focusing on fashion, and Zayn being a particularly popular food critic) to write his novel. Turns out Niall started in sports a few weeks after Harry left, irony of ironies. That all ends now though, because he’s going to throttle Zayn right here in this restaurant.

“Oh lord, what did I do now?” Zayn laughs.

“You set me up with Niall.” Harry hisses.

“I thought that was going well.” Zayn says, his smile fading into a look of confusion. “He never bloody stops talking about you at work. It’s annoying how smitten he is with you. Did something happen on your date last night?”

“Yeah. We went back to his place.” Harry sighs.

“I’m not seeing a downside here so far.” Zayn scoffs. “Is he bad in bed or something?”

“No. He’s bloody brilliant in bed.” Harry huffs. “Unfortunately, rather than his tongue waking me up, it was the tongues of all five of his dogs on my arse!”

Harry shouting that last part may have been a bit unnecessary, and he definitely blushes when he realizes the entire café has stopped and is now staring at them. That doesn’t calm his indignant wrath any though. He just throws glares at everyone until they go back to their own damn business. He turns back to a very amused looking Zayn and spits out “You know I don’t date guys with dogs!”

“Are you calling it off then?” Zayn asks. “Because you two are a disgustingly cute couple. He’s perfect for you. He’s even the one person in London who actually liked your book.”

“It wasn’t that bad!” Harry groans. It really wasn’t. He’s made a decent amount since publishing. Critics didn’t like it much, but he has a small, devoted following that are eager for his next book. He has a few thousand twitter followers. It wasn’t that horribly unsuccessful. “And no, I’m not calling it off. I think. I just can never, ever go back to his house or move in with him.”

“His dogs are totally sweet. You’re overreacting.” Zayn snorts.

“Five dogs licked me while I was naked Zayn!” Harry hisses quietly to avoid drawing more unwanted stares. “Five horrible, smelly, furry dogs put their cold noses and tongues all over my body.”

“But other than that, how is it going?” Zayn asks nonchalantly, like that’s something he hears every day.

“He’s perfect.” Harry admits quietly. “Why did he have to be a dog person?”

 

“Hey you two.” Harry smiles when he gets in for the night. Niall is at an Arsenal game tonight, covering for one of the other writers in the department who’s out sick, so the date he was planning is postponed. That means Harry is home for the night, and the cats seem surprised to see him. He finds it a little obnoxious considering he spends most of his time at home writing. “Eliza, Willie, what do you say about a movie night?”

Elizabeth shoots straight towards the couch. Fitzwilliam on the other hand just flops back down and sighs loudly. That’s about what Harry was expecting. It’s the standard response to that question in his house. He’s spent many a night watching movies with his cats, curled up in a big pile watching the romantic comedies that inspired him to write his own. It’s only mildly pathetic.

“Don’t give me that.” Harry chuckles, scooping Fitzwilliam up off the floor with one hand when he walks into the living room, using the other to unbutton his jeans and shove them far enough down to step out of them. “You know you enjoy them. Eliza is the one who always falls asleep. You watch all the way through.”

If cats could roll their eyes, Fitzgerald would definitely be doing it right now. Instead he just lets out an indignant mewl and skitters away when Harry sits down on the couch. He comes slinking back in a few minutes, pretending that he’s just doing it not to be alone because Elizabeth and Harry are both situated on the sofa. Harry just smiles to himself and flicks through his Netflix queue. 

Before he can decide between ‘Summer in February’ and ‘Eat Pray Love’ his mobile starts ringing. He’d ignore it normally, but Niall’s face is the one that pops up. “Hey you.” he hums as an answer.

“Hey yourself.” Niall chuckles. “What are you doing?”

“About to start a film. Aren’t you supposed to be watching a footy match right now?” Harry questions.

“I would be if there were anything worth watching.” Niall scoffs. “Ospina is playing like he’s asleep. He’s let three in against Swansea already for crying out loud. Skysports has them at fifteen to two. Some lucky people are going to walk away very satisfied tonight. I on the other hand, am not amused. Especially considering I could be out with you instead of watching this travesty. Jones owes me so hard for this.”

“Oh please, you know you’re having fun.” Harry laughs. “Besides, this is just good prep for when you follow them up to watch them lose to Man U on the Seventeenth.”

“Don’t get cocky Styles. Arsenal beat Man U back in March, or are you forgetting that?” Niall says with what Harry knows is a smug grin.

“It was a fluke.” Harry muses. He really couldn’t give two shits about footy, not really. He just likes how enthusiastic Niall is about it. He also likes the little crinkle between Niall’s eyebrows when they argue over sports. “They’re going down, and you’re going to have to watch it and know I was right.”

“If Ospina doesn’t schedule a surgery to have his head removed from his arse, you might be right.” Niall sighs. “What film are you going to watch?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” Harry admits.

“Good. Then you can meet me after the game is done so we can still have our date.” Niall chirps. “I should be out of here by ten.”

“Sorry. My trousers are off and my hair is up, which means I’m officially in for the night.” Harry chuckles.

“Well if your trousers are already off, then we’re already a quarter of the way to my plans being complete.” Niall giggles.

“Sex is not a date Niall.” Harry scoffs. “But something could be arranged if you want to come over after the game.”

“Mm, now say it like a sexy librarian.” Niall hums.

“You’re such a freak.” Harry laughs. “I’ll see you around ten thirty, yeah?”

“Can’t come fast enough.” Niall says before ringing off.

Harry settles on just watching a few episodes of ‘Call the Midwife’ that have been sitting on his box since March, waiting patiently. He’s just starting to recover from the tears that started leaking out when Trixie broke up with Tom when there’s a knock at the door. “Fuck.” Harry sighs before calling out “Just a minute!”

He scrambles, grabbing tissues off the coffee table and dabbing at his face in the mirror until he looks okay enough to be seen by another human being. Harry Styles is a lot of things, and unfortunately an ugly crier is right at the top of the list. He sighs when he realizes he’s not going to be able to do much, and steps over to the door. “You’re not allowed to make fun of me.” Harry says through the wood.

“Fine, just let me in.” Niall laughs.

“I’m serious. Don’t think I won’t throw you back out on your arse.” Harry mumbles as he unlocks the door.

“What’s the matter?” Niall asks, his eyes concerned as soon as he takes in Harrys disheveled appearance.

“I was watching ‘Call the Midwife’.” Harry admits.

“Okay, can I just say that I love that you cry at sad stuff?” Niall giggles. “Liam never cried at anything except ‘Toy Story 3’. I like that you’re in touch with your emotions. Especially when you look like this.”

“A mess?” Harry groans, looking down and sighing as he realizes he never put on any sort of trousers.

“I wouldn’t say that.” Niall grins, tucking a stray lock of Harry’s hair behind his ear. “You look good when you’re not trying so hard to look good.”

“I don’t try that hard.” Harry lies blatantly.

“Sure, and I’m secretly French.” Niall snorts.

“Why did I even let you come over?” Harry huffs.

“Because of this.” Niall hums, hooking a hand around the back of Harry’s neck and drawing him into a kiss that quickly becomes quite filthy when the blond’s free hand finds its way to Harry’s bare thigh. Harry moans shamelessly into Niall’s mouth, winding his fingers into the blond hair to keep him close. And oh yeah, that’s why.

 

“Is there something you can do about that?” Niall asks nervously, scooting closer to Harry.

“About what?” Harry questions, too busy pouring some tea to be bothered to look.

“They’re glaring at me.” Niall whispers. “Like legitimately, full-on glaring at me.”

“That’s because they had to sleep outside of the bedroom last night.” Harry explains. “They haven’t had to do that in a while.”

Personally he thinks a little glaring is a lot better than being molested in your sleep by pack of mutts, but he knows better than to say it out loud. They haven’t come near Niall yet, keeping a wary, watchful distance as they evaluate him. Harry is a bit nervous about it though. The last guy he brought home left with a bunch of scratches on his hands and a nasty bite for his trouble. Harry never heard from him again. He really doesn’t want that to happen this time. He likes Niall more than he liked Chad, or Chet, or whatever his name was. A lot more.

“Well it’s freaking me out.” Niall replies with a shiver. “Cats always make me feel like they’re stalking me for prey.”

“They are.” Harry hums. “If you were to drop dead right here and now, they’d start eating your body before it could go cold. Cats even check their owners’ breathing when they’re asleep, just so they can see if you’re dead or not.”

“Cold-blooded is what they are.” Niall mutters. “Fuzzy little demons.”

“It’s a natural instinct.” Harry tells him.

“Do you know what a dog does if their owner dies?” Niall scoffs. “They grieve. They actually grieve. They definitely don’t eat you the second you stop breathing.”

“Let’s just agree that both types of animal have their benefits and their drawbacks and leave it at that.” Harry says flatly. “It’s been too good of a morning to fight about that.”

“Yeah, alright.” Niall nods.

“Thank you.” Harry smiles, leaning over to peck Niall on the cheek and ask “How do you take yours?”

 

The next few weeks are a struggle of trying to find things to do that are closer to Harry’s flat than Niall’s house in a desperate (yet so far successful) attempt to avoid having to interact with the dogs. Unfortunately, Harry’s lucky streak ends, as all good things do in time, with a single “Is there a reason we’re always going to yours?”

“Are we?” Harry asks, feigning innocence as convincingly as he can. Given Niall’s expression, it doesn’t work. “Fine, I may have possibly been focusing on things that end up with us here rather than your place.”

“Is there something wrong with my place?” Niall asks with a pout.

“No, Babe, your place is great.” Harry rushes out. “There are just so many other bodies at your place. Large, loud bodies with cold noses who jump on me and bark at us while we’re shagging.”

“But at least the dogs like you.” Niall says, as if that’s a selling point. “I’ve been here like, a dozen times, and the cats still hate me. Willie actually bit me last time I tried to pet him.”

“Eliza likes you.” Harry points out. “She even sat on your lap last night.”

“And then she tore up my jeans because she noticed a loose thread.” Niall counters. And yeah, he has a point. “All I’m saying is, maybe we can split our time a bit more evenly. I always have to leave earlier than I’d like to go walk the dogs, but the cats only need you to leave out some food.”

“Then we’ll go to yours next time. Just- Can we maybe do one dog at a time until I get used to them and they get used to me?” Harry requests. “They’re just so bloody huge and all up in my face.”

“Sure.” Niall says with a blinding grin. “Now, how about we pack it in for the night?”

“It’s only nine.” Harry scoffs.

“I wasn’t talking about going to sleep.” Niall murmurs in Harry’s ear.

 

“Why are you such a menace?” Harry hisses as soon as Niall leaves him alone with Cap. Apparently he’s supposed to be the relaxed one. If that’s the case, Harry is in for some hell over the next few weeks as he gets slowly introduced to them. Cap has been so horrifyingly affectionate, which apparently amuses Niall as much as it annoys Harry. “Go away. Or at least get off my legs.”

Cap lets out a loud huff and nestles further onto Harry’s lap. Fucking dogs. The thing is, he’s actually kind of cute. The downside is that he weighs more than Harry’s cats combined, multiple times over. And he’s supposedly the smallest one, which is funny because Niall says he’s kind of the leader of the pack. Apparently he was the oldest, so the other dogs all followed his lead when they were puppies and still do it now. That’s why Niall decided to start with him. If Harry has Cap’s approval, then the others will follow suit. Hopefully.

It does and it doesn’t go that way. Hulk is the exact opposite of his name (apparently he was named because as a bulldog his front half is much bulkier than his back half, rather than his temperament), too sweet for words, meaning that he spends all of his time trying to get Harry to play with him, and makes literal puppy-dog-eyes until Harry concedes and throws the ball for what he swears is the last time. It never is until Niall finally suggests going upstairs.

Hawkeye is a lot calmer, ignoring Harry after a few minutes of intense nasal identification. Every once in a while he inches closer to the couch, and Harry laughs because Hawkeye and Fitzwilliam have almost the exact same personality. He’s not at all surprised when he finds Hawkeye lain over his and Niall’s feet an hour into their film.

Widow is suspicious, and growls a bit every time Harry gets too close to Niall until they finally let her settle in between them. Harry ends up smashed against the armrest all night when she decides to stretch out. Niall apologizes when they get upstairs, explaining that she was the most attached to Liam, and that she’ll take a bit more time to get used to him. 

Thor is definitely Harry’s favorite of the dogs, if he can pick a favorite among them considering he’d much rather be back at his flat with Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam than around any of the dogs. Thor he doesn’t mind so much though. He’s calm, not even bothering to investigate Harry before he flops down and watches the film with them. He falls asleep stretched over Niall and with his head lightly laid on Harry’s lap. He doesn’t protest at all when they go to bed either, which is a refreshing change from the whining all the others have done for the last four nights.

 

“Don’t look at me like that.” Harry sighs, taking in the judgmental glares from his cats. “He’s coming over here tonight, and I expect you both to be on your best behavior. I like him a lot. A lot, a lot. I like him so much I’ve spent the last five nights with his mutts just so that he knows I’m trying. I might even be falling in love with him, so don’t mess this up for me, okay?”

Fitzwilliam just slinks away, probably off to his hiding spot on the bottom of the bookcase behind the paperbacks. Elizabeth on the other hand sits there, staring at him in a way that makes Harry wonder what evil thing she’s planning, and if the target is him or Niall. He’s not sure what would be worse. Elizabeth can be a real bitch, and Harry has been on the receiving end of her wrath any times. He’d rather not go through it again. He also doesn’t want Niall to go through it until Harry is sure he’ll stay afterwards. He’s way too invested in this to lose Niall because Harry’s cats are jealous little shits.

There’s a knock at the door, and Harry growls out “Behave.”

“I don’t plan on it.” Niall calls through the door.

“Not you obviously.” Harry laughs when he opens the door. “I prefer it when you don’t behave yourself. I was talking to Eliza.”

“Not Willie?” Niall scoffs. “Because in my experience, Willie is the dick.”

“How long have you been waiting to use that one?” Harry asks with a laugh.

“So long Haz. So long.” Niall grins. He sticks out a bottle of wine and says “Brought you this.”

“This is a two-thousand-and-eight Egon Müller Scharzhofberger Spätlese Riesling.” Harry says, his eyebrows shooting into his hairline in surprise.

“It’s what you ordered on our first date.” Niall says with a sheepish blush. “At least I’m pretty sure it is. Zayn had to help me find it, and it took forever at a tasting to find the one that looked and tasted right, but I wanted to do something special. Tonight officially makes three months since our first date, and that’s the longest relationship I’ve ever had besides Liam.”

“That’s definitely something worth celebrating.” Harry beams. He doesn’t point out that they actually had their first date on the fourth of April, not the third. He’s just too excited by the fact that Niall seems as invested as he is. When Elizabeth knocks the bottle of Riesling off the counter right before dessert, Harry isn’t really surprised, but he is mortified.

 

“I think my cats are trying to sabotage my relationship.” Harry sighs, pushing around the potatoes on his plate rather than eating them.

“Real surprise there.” Zayn scoffs. “And will you actually eat? Do you know how much arse I had to kiss to get my editor to approve letting me have a second on the paper’s budget at a restaurant like this?”

“None, because your editor is your wife.” Harry huffs.

“Exactly.” Zayn chuckles. “Having you as my second instead of her at Berners Tavern is not a great aid in my marriage. I’m probably not getting any for a week thanks to you, so the least you can do is eat the food.”

“Fine.” Harry says with a long-suffering sigh. The food actually is really good. It’s no wonder this place is considered one of the best restaurants in London. He finds his mind drifting to Niall, wondering if he would like to come here, or if the wealthy atmosphere and obnoxious prices would put him off.

“Why do you think your cats are sabotaging you?” Zayn asks.

“Eliza ruined an eighty pound bottle of wine.” Harry admits.

“The Egon?” Zayn groans. “I helped him do all that for nothing?”

“Not nothing.” Harry shrugs. “It was a really sweet gesture from him.”

“And me!” Zayn huffs. “Do you know how hard it was to find that based on his description? It took me an hour to figure out that he wanted a Riesling. Even longer to narrow it down.”

“Can you just let him have the credit for doing something nice and thoughtful for me?” Harry sighs. “When is the last time a guy did that? Oh, I know, never.”

“True. You have had a pretty pathetic love life.” Zayn says with a shit-eating grin. “It’s a bit weird considering you look like that and write romance novels.”

“Shut it or I’ll tell Pez you were hitting on me again.” Harry says with a dramatic roll of his eyes. “What should I do about Eliza and Willie?”

“The Thames isn’t that far from your flat.” Zayn snorts. “I have a pillow case you could use.”

“You’re horrid!” Harry growls.

“I don’t know what to tell you Harry.” Zayn says with a shrug. “Maybe you could do the same thing as you two did with the dogs. Just have one of them around him at a time until they get used to him.”

“I guess.” Harry mumbles.

 

Fitzwilliam takes it well, surprisingly calm without Elizabeth around to spur him to mischief or aggression. He spends half the night winding himself around any part of Niall’s body that he can manage. Harry never would have guessed it in the beginning. Fitzwilliam doesn’t like many people. He doesn’t even really like Harry most of the time. If the purring and the cuddling is any indication, he absolutely adores Niall. The only person Harry has ever seen him like this with is his mother Anne.

“Did you give him a Valium or something?” Niall asks, looking down as the cat nestled between his thighs.

“Just a tiny bit of catnip before you got here.” Harry hums. “Not enough to get him like this. He’d need a whole bag to be this pleasant normally. This is all you I think.”

“It’s weirding me out a bit.” Niall giggles. “I’ve never met a cat that actually liked me before.”

“I’m as surprised as you are. I thought Eliza would be the one who would be easier to win over. Willie never likes anyone except my mum.” Harry admits.

“Please don’t compare me to your mum.” Niall snorts. “Makes it a bit weird with what I’m planning to do to you later.”

 

Elizabeth seems to have learned her lesson from the night before (which she spent locked in Harry’s second bedroom), causing no trouble when Niall gets there. They both tiptoe around each other for a while, and Harry is just satisfied when nothing happens that ends in blood. He and Niall end up on the sofa, Elizabeth watching them warily from the corner. Harry decides to pacify her, putting on Titanic because it’s her favorite film. 

Niall rolls his eyes, but changes his tune soon enough when Elizabeth jumps into his lap and settles down. She doesn’t even assault the loose thread around the holes in Niall’s jeans. “Does this mean she likes me?”

“Tolerates might be a better word.” Harry chuckles, running his fingers through Niall’s floppy fringe wen the blond starts to pout. “Sorry Babe. You’ll know when she actually likes you. Willie last night was nothing compared to how Eliza is when she likes someone. She’ll follow you around, and lay down on your feet if you stand still for more than three seconds, and shove her face against you a bunch. It’s a good start though.”

“I want them to like me.” Niall says quietly.

“Why?” Harry asks. Niall doesn’t even like cats. He thinks they’re pointless as pets and a little demonic. He confessed it one night when they were both way too drunk, but Harry forgave him because he still doesn’t really like dogs either.

“Because I like you so much, and I don’t want you to break up with me just because your cats hate me.” Niall admits.

“I’m not going to break up with you.” Harry says with a soft smile. “Would you break up with me if your dogs didn’t like me?”

“Definitely.” Niall says without even a half a second of hesitation. Harry starts to fume, but Niall adds “Haz, dogs are amazing judges of character. If five dogs simultaneously don’t like someone, they’re generally not a good person to be around in my experience.”

“They liked Liam well enough.” Harry scoffs.

“My ex-husband was a good man, believe it or not.” Niall sighs.

“He left you for your best friend.” Harry points out.

“We both agreed it was time to end things. And he didn’t leave me for Louis. They got together after the divorce was finalized.” Niall shrugs. “Really, I don’t mind. I still talk to both of them. One weekend a month Liam takes the dogs over to their place. It’s an actual amicable divorce, miracle that that may be, because Liam was, and still is, a good bloke. We just weren’t in love anymore.”

“If you say so. I can’t imagine being friends with an ex.” Harry sighs.

“I couldn’t have either, especially after my parents’ divorce, but I didn’t want him to not be a part of my life just because things weren’t what they were when we were eighteen and stupidly in love. Louis may have been the one I called my best mate, but Liam was always the one who was actually my best mate.” Niall chuckles. “He was the first person I told when I met you. He listened to me ramble on all night about how much I already liked you after our third date. And he’s the one who told me that I should put my distaste for cats on hold if I really liked you, because everyone has their flaws, and since this is the only one I can find with you, I should just deal with the furry little demons.”

“Sounds like Liam gives pretty good advice.” Harry hums. “Zayn said the same thing about you and the dogs.”

“Good thing we have smart best friends then, huh?” Niall grins.

“Good thing.” Harry agrees.

 

“Go away with me.” Niall says out of the blue one morning while Harry is cooking breakfast. He’s only wearing pants, hasn’t had his tea, is mid-pancake-flip, and is definitely not awake enough for that sentence.

“Huh?” Harry asks, though it comes out more like the noise that Hawkeye (who is currently waiting at Harry’s hip for a pancake to fall onto the floor. One mistake, and these dogs will never let it go.) makes when Niall kicks him out of the bed at night.

“Go away with me.” Niall repeats. It doesn’t make any more sense than it did the first time in Harry’s sleepy mind.

“What are you talking about?” Harry questions.

“Liam and I have decided to sell our cottage up near the Yorkshire Dales.” Niall tells him. What the fuck? Niall owning one house seems insane. Owning two is really insane. “He doesn’t really go up there anymore, because Louis hates the country. I don’t get up there as often as I’d like either because it’s too big for just me alone. I don’t really want to get rid of the place, but there’s not much point in keeping a place neither of us ever use. I have to go up to talk to a real estate agent, and I thought you and I could make a trip out of it for a few days before I part with it.”

“How the hell do you own a cottage and a house at twenty-seven?” Harry asks incredulously.

“I got the house in the divorce, because I needed more room with the dogs.” Niall shrugs. “And Liam is an executive in a recording company. Actually, now he’s a CEO in the label he started with Louis. He was just an executive when we bought the cottage though. And my contract with the paper is good. Like really, really good. So, do you want to go, or not?”

“I could go for that, yeah.” Harry beams. “I love the country.”

“There is one thing though.” Niall says sheepishly. “Liam isn’t available to take the dogs for the three days I have to go. I have to bring them with us.”

“Ah, I should have known it sounded too perfect.” Harry sighs.

“You could bring the cats.” Niall offers. “The dogs are good with cats. I promise.”

“They can hold their own.” Harry chuckles. “Eliza doesn’t put up with anyone’s shite, no matter their species. And Willie is faster than lightning when he wants to be. I’m not worried about that. I’m more worried about how I’ll survive three full days with these five with Widow around. I swear she’s trying to turn them against me.”

“Well the other four love you, so I wouldn’t worry about that too much.” Niall hums. “Hawkeye is proper taken with you after the last time you made pancakes.”

“It’s not going to happen again you, so just forget about it.” Harry laughs, looking down at the brindle patterned lurcher that’s practically sitting on his feet.

“Don’t be mean.” Niall chuckles, folding up his tablet and setting it to the side. “I don’t mind if they get the occasional table scrap.”

“Well someone has to watch out for their health. Dogs can get diabetes you know.” Harry huffs, refocusing on the task at hand rather than how blue Niall’s eyes are this early in the morning. Sometimes he wishes he had any talent with a camera, because his walls would be papered with early-morning snapshots of Niall if he did.

“You ca-a-a-a-re.” Niall sing-songs.

“Just because I don’t want your dogs to get a disease doesn’t mean I like them Niall.” Harry scoffs.

“No, but it does mean that they’re growing on you.” Niall muses. Harry doesn’t give him the satisfaction of a response.

 

It’s a nearly five hour drive up to the Dales, and to make things worse, Niall and Harry have to drive separately because two adults, two cats, and five dogs is just too much for any one car. Harry had made fun of Niall for his people-carrier at first, but today he finally understands why the blond owns it. There’s a dog’s head sticking out of each window except for Niall’s, and Harry can’t help but snort out a laugh. Thor’s big mastiff cheeks are flapping around in the wind, and little globs of spit must be flying off, because every few seconds Cap shakes his head furiously.

They finally get to the cottage, and they both agree that Harry should take the cats in first, and let them get used to the place while Niall lets the dogs play on the massive lawn. Of course he doesn’t let the dogs out until Harry makes it inside with both of the cats, but as soon as the dogs get out Harry (and the cats) can hear them. Elizabeth sinks her claws into Harry’s forearm, skittering away when he drops her. Fitzwilliam just crawls up onto Harry’s shoulder, perching like a nervous, furry parrot.

“You’re going to behave at least, yeah?” Harry asks him, scratching under his chin until he purrs. Eventually Fitzwilliam makes his way back down to Harry’s chest, nestling into his arms and mewling. Harry takes that as the cue to show him around, and carries him through the cottage, marveling at it as he goes along. Owning a cottage is one thing, Harry has wrapped his head around that, but this place has three bedrooms, a study, two full bathrooms, and the kitchen of Harry’s dreams. “Jesus.”

Elizabeth joins them somewhere along the tour, following behind Harry as both he and Fitzwilliam voice their approval of the place. He makes sure to close every door behind him, giving the cats nowhere to run to once Niall and he make the introductions. They do not go well. Harry decided to hold both of the cats, to give them a bit of distance from the dogs. That was not the smartest of plans. Elizabeth scratches the absolute fuck out of his side until Niall takes Fitzwilliam from him and he can hold her up out of the way with both hands.

The dogs get bored quickly, trotting off to stake out their claims of sleeping places. Fitzwilliam follows after Hawkeye, their similar personalities coming together well. They both curl up under the coffee table, and Harry is hardly surprised when he looks over and finds Fitzwilliam tucked under Hawkeye’s tail. Elizabeth on the other hand fumes from on top of the refrigerator, glaring at Harry in a way he knows he’ll regret later.

“Come on. We should dress those.” Niall says gently, staring at the gashes Elizabeth clawed into his ribs. His shirt is basically a lost cause, but he knew that was a possibility when he dressed himself, so he made sure to wear an old t-shirt. The blood makes him grateful for his overly-cautious mind. Before they head back to the bathroom, Harry takes one last glance at Elizabeth. She’s licking the blood off of her claws with a very pointed stare back at him.

 

“Look at this.” Harry scoffs, peering in through the window. “All of them are following her now. She’s become their leader. We are sleeping with the door locked tonight, or else I might not make it through the night. The Cult of Eliza will sacrifice me to their new master.”

“You’re such an idiot.” Niall giggles. “I love you.”

Harry feels like everything moves in slow motion from there, his head turning to look at Niall, Niall’s eyes widening comically when he realizes what he’s said. Harry’s not sure exactly how bright his blush is under the clear night sky, but if it’s anything like Niall’s, then that would explain why his face feels so hot. “I- I don’t- I didn’t mean that.” Niall stammers out after a silence that lasts far too long considering the situation.

“Oh.” Harry says quietly, deflating a bit in his chest. “I um- I’m going to head to bed now.”

“No- Shit!” Niall groans, his hand darting out and wrapping around Harry’s wrist. “Haz, that’s not what I meant either. Please don’t go.”

“It’s okay Niall.” Harry says gently, keeping his eyes turned towards the ground in case he really does start to cry like he’s afraid he’s about to. “It slipped out. I won’t hold it against you.”

“I do love you.” Niall murmurs, tugging Harry close until his back is pressed tight against the blond’s front. He locks his arms around Harry and continues. “I just didn’t want to say it like that the first time. I had this whole thing planned out for tomorrow night. I was going to take you out to the Dales, and I had this romantic, moonlit picnic that I was going to bring, and I was going to tell you how every day since I met you has been better than the last, and that I love you so much. I didn’t want to blurt it out like that, because you deserve more than me calling you an idiot and then letting it slip out. You deserve something out of one of your films or books. I wish I could have given that to you.”

“It was perfect to me until you said you didn’t mean it.” Harry sighs. “I don’t need anything out of one of my books or films. I appreciate the thought, but all I need is you, and those three words, because I love you too.”

“You don’t have to say it back if you don’t mean it yet.” Niall mumbles.

“I wouldn’t be saying it if I didn’t mean it Niall.” Harry tells him, turning around so that they’re face to face. “I love you. I just wanted to give you a bit more time before I said it, because I know you haven’t been serious with anyone since the divorce.”

“I’m serious about you though.” Niall smiles. “Been serious about you since our fifth date. I wouldn’t have introduced you to the dogs if I wasn’t. Hell, I wouldn’t have read your book if I wasn’t.”

“We should probably wrap this up.” Harry grins.

“Why?” Niall asks.

“We have an audience.” Harry says, nodding towards the window, where all seven of their ridiculous animals are piled together, staring at them out the window. It’s creepy for sure, but also kind of sweet in a way. Now nobody can feel left out. Niall turns to look, and giggles into Harry’s shoulder. Maybe being a dog person doesn’t have to be a bad thing after all.

**Author's Note:**

> The cottage I pictured when I wrote that part is at http://www.zoopla.co.uk/for-sale/details/17547750?more_details_carousel=1_carousel=1#QV3ipfoxwujgGTkt.97 if anyone wants to take a look at it
> 
> Also, I have a few more ideas for this au, so I'm leaving it as a first chapter until I can get around to finishing it properly.
> 
> Also also, I went with Javed for Zayn's middle name, because I don't even fucking know what it is any more. I'm pretty sure every fic I have with Zayn's middle name has a different version, because google is constantly changing it up.
> 
> Also also also, I have no idea how well or poorly Ospina plays. I assume he's actually rather good, and this story should not reflect poorly on his goal-keeping abilities in any way.


End file.
